Back to Basics.

Lord knows you deserve better
But she deserves no less than the best that you can offer up
You deserve better
But what becomes of you when the best has left and gone and slipped away
--"Better," Honor By August

I finally decided I needed to seek closure and move on from what I consider a really awesome relationship. She's happy where's she at right now, and I can't stay stuck at neutral. Life has to continue, one way or another. So I've decided to go back to doing what I've been doing all along, and that is to lead The Fabulous Life of Riz. There are some adjustments that I've made in terms of what I believe and how I approach things post-relationship, but most of the aspects are pretty much the same as it has been all these years. So here we go. Time to restructure my life!

I will always be about working hard and playing harder. I keep doing what do best on the job, and when the opportunities present themselves, I'll keep having as much fun as possible. I still love how I'll intend to hang out for a couple of hours and end up staying at the same place until about 4 in the morning.

As of recently, I now have two home bars. The Cubbyhole will always be my main home bar, and I will continue to go there (yes, we need to work on bringing back those Saturday Sessions again!) on a regular basis. But I figured I needed another place to hang out at that's closer to home. Saves me some cash on those cab rides and such. Plus, I've become buddies w/ one of the bartenders there and I've started getting to know a few of the regulars. So yeah, two home bars!

When it comes down to love, I'm gonna stick to what works for me: True Love Waits. The best friendships and relationships I've had were ones that just came out of nowhere. Those were the ones where fate plays a crucial role. My last relationship is a perfect example of that. Neither of us expected to be dating each other when we first met, but it clicked, and it worked (at least while it lasted). And every time I chased after someone, it never ends up the way I wanted things to end up. Mostly it'd be some hookup and that would be it. So I'm going back to my no expectations approach to love and let the chips fall where they may! And if my last relationship was any indicator of anything, it goes to show that there is definitely someone out there who will come out of the blue to steal my heart and take my breath away. And when that happens, I'll be just as happy, or even happier, than the last time.

So raise your glasses w/ me and help me toast to the comeback of The Riz Experience!

kicking ass, taking names, making things happen

SInce going back to the single life, my psyche has ultimately changed back to what it's always been. Kicking ass, taking names, making things happen, rocking it out, working it out. That's the pure essence of The Riz Experience.

I was being way more productive at work this week. I finally figured out some issues I needed to have worked out earlier this month. I was lining trades up for execution and BAM! Done. Things needed to be processed? BAM! Done. I was shooting down things to do like a row of ducks in a pond swimming across.

I did a $2 Margarita Tuesday Session @ The Cubbyhole flying solo for the first time in however many weeks. And I partied it up and rocked it out, in pure Riz fashion! And I stirred a bit of trouble when it was time for bodyshots!

After work today, I started training up for a 3.5 miler I'm doing in June. Right now, I'm 2 minutes slower than my time last year, but if I stick to a constant training schedule, I think I can go sub-35 this year. It helps that I still think about a certain someone when I go hit the treadmill for my run.

Ok, I'll admit. She still motivates me in some way. We texted each other the last couple of days and somehow she always finds that way to make me smile and steal my heart for only a few moments. She wants me to keep that green promise bracelet for the moment. So maybe there is hope.

I was talking to my close friend Julie about all this Sunday night, and she said to look back on the relationship and find the good that came out of it, especially when it's hard for people like Julie and me to find love because we march to the beat of our own drummer. So here's the good that came out of my relationship w/ D: there actually is someone out there who loves me for me, and doesn't care about my inflated ego or my rockstar status or any of that stuff. I know that there is someone like D out there, where I don't have to pull out all the stops to have her heart. And I know that eventually I will find that one person.

Anyway, I'm glad I have many awesome friends who have helped to get me back on my feet since I fully convinced myself that I really am single again. The moment I updated my facebook status Sunday night, there were many people that left me encouraging comments and such. Some of them even commented on my Song O' The Moment - I'm Gonna Find Another You by John Mayer. So if you're reading this friends, thank you.

I've let go.

It was an awesome run, but it had to end. Dana and I could no longer be in a relationship. Last night, we decided we were better off as friends.

She was my everything. And she found someone she can be whole with. I remember her telling me time and again that she wishes we could have that one element that could really make us whole. But sadly, it wasn't gonna happen.

I'm gonna miss all those times where I can get lost in her arms. I'm gonna miss all the times where we can just be ourselves around each other and it was just ok. I'm gonna miss all those times where we would hold hands at a restaurant and just talk about random things. I'm gonna miss all the times where we talked about long-term plans. I'm gonna miss having my heart stolen.

But I have to move on.

The silver lining is that we're gonna remain buddies and we're gonna continue getting into our brand of trouble. Until I find someone who I can really be emotionally attached to, at least I'll still have Dana to lean on as a cherished close friend.

Thanks for making me a happy person the last 2 months. I still say you're the greatest birthday gift ever. I had no idea how much of an impact you would make in my life when I first met you. So thank you.

it's April.

I sent this pic to Dana this morning, only about an hour after I woke up.

It's a new month, and somewhat of a new beginning for me. I'll explain that in a bit.

Anyway, to explain the pic above: I'm pointing at the green bracelet because that's the bracelet that Dana told me to always wear. This was when we were having breakfast food late at night at my diner on the Lower East Side. She asked me which of her bracelets I wanted to wear, and I told her to surprise me. So she gave me the one bracelet that stood out, her green rubber bracelet. She placed it around my left wrist and told me to never ever take it off.

I'll admit it, I took it off for a day and a half. And now for the explanation.

My relationship status says "It's Complicated." And it's true. Right now, I'm allowing Dana to do her thing for the moment. I didn't want her to, and I didn't think there was anything wrong w/ me or us. But I guess Dana and I need a breather and really try to slow things down. Our relationship was emotionally deep and intense that if we really left each other, it would be devastating. For a moment, I freaked out (upon returning from a DC trip) and thought Dana and I were over. So I took off the bracelet and left it at home. But after a bit of a clarification and a reassurance that there is still that strong emotional attachment that fuels our love for each other, I put the bracelet back on the next day.

I say it's somewhat of a new beginning only because I don't want to find someone else. I mean, sure, if someone comes along my way, and I start developing feelings for that person, then yeah, I can move on. But right now, I would rather wait on Dana to be with me again, with an open door and open arms. And I know when it does happen, we'll have a much more meaningful relationship. I know that I just have to be patient. (funny thing, I just told a friend of mine to be patient w/ this guy that she wants to be with.)

Oh yeah, I don't mind just going on dates at this point. At least something to pass the time. :P

In the meantime, I'm basically gonna miss spending all that quality time with Dana. I still think about that time where we were practically inseparable, and how a couple of hours can seem like an eternity. I miss holding her hand. I miss all those talks about how Dana/Riz just works. I miss the moments of intimacy that leave me on Cloud 9. ok ok, I just miss Dana and how she stole my heart and took my breath away.

Let's see...what else has been happening???

Last weekend, I spent some time in DC for the Honor By August CD Release Show. And it was probably the best HBA headlining show I've been to to date. The 3 openers were amazing (Melodime, The Ruse, The Alternate Routes). And Honor By August simply rocked it like no other. Probably their best stuff to date, and it can only get better from there. Anyway, here's some footage from that show:

And just to prove that I was in typical Concert Riz fashion, some pics, courtesy of Erin Snapp @ SnappShot Photography (see the guy in The Red Hat? that's me!).

Work has been work. It's been busy. But at least I still have a job and I'm getting paid so that I can live and do the things that I wanna do.

Well, that's it for now. I know, I have to work on getting that TRB Series completed. I'll eventually get it done.