My mom and I don't see eye-to-eye on a number of things. Sure, we may have similar beliefs when it comes to Christianity, but I take a more liberal approach to it than my mom does. Yeah, we're both outgoing, but her social circle is her church, while my social circle is...well...my social circle consists of many different circles. My mom has her view of who I should marry, while I already have my idea of "the one" would be for me (if you must know, Momma wants me to marry an Indonesian girl, but all of you know what I prefer). And yeah, we argue about all the stupid basic beliefs we each hold.
But regardless of the differences, my mom has always supported me. She hated the fact that I went to DC for college, but she let me do it. And when things went south down there, she told me to head back home up north so she could offer her own bailout package, and she did bail me out. Recently I told her about my last relationship, and she kinda objected to it, but she let me go ahead w/ it only because I was truly happy. For the most part, she supports me and we get along in our own unique way.
In all earnestness, without her, I dunno where I would end up today. So happy Mother's Day, Mom.
I love it when there are shows I can go to away from NYC on a Saturday. Just so long as I can get back to the City by Sunday afternoon. And as of late, I've been hitting up quite a few shows in the place I once called my Second Home for a few years. DC was where I honed my concert whoring skills and thus deepened my appreciation for good music. Music that I could connect with. Music that could end up being the soundtrack to my life.
The only hassle about doing these DC trips is all the travelling! Get to/from DC can sometime drag me down physically. Let's list all the ways I've gotten to and from DC.
--Amtrak. Expensive as all hell. But sometimes I need to get back to the city uber early (mainly to take care of church obligations), so I'll take the 3:15am train from DC, which gets me back to NYC around 7am. I once did an Honor By August show on a Saturday night, got on the Amtrak at 3:15am, made it to NYC around 7am only to take a disco nap and then get ready to lead a worship service by 4pm (w/ rehearsal at 11am). Never again.
--Ghetto Greyhound. At the time I did this, it was a bit cheap, but not as cheap as the Chinatown buses. Sure, Greyhound was relatively clean, but almost every bus was crowded and filled w/ people I wouldn't trust my life with. Those 4 hour rides seemed like an eternity. Oh yeah, doesn't help that the Greyhound terminal in DC was in a sketchy part of town. Never again.
--Aeroplane. I once flew from DC to NYC for a Michelle Branch show, and then took a Greyhound back afterwards. At the time I did this, it was some time after 9/11 and people were still afraid to fly. Airfares were uber cheap (yes, even cheaper than Amtrak!), so I took advantage and made it home in less than an hour. Holla! But in this economy, never again, unless it's an emergency.
--Chinatown bus. I did this ONCE. The bus smelled, and again, filled w/ people that I couldn't trust or were downright annoying. NEVER AGAIN.
--Megabus. It's probably the cheapest of the lot, but everyone takes it now and the wifi didn't really work. I rode their double-decker one time, that was interesting.
So yeah, basically all these methods of transportation to get to my weekend getaway destination just wasn't doing it for me. At least until Bolt Bus came around. It's relatively cheap and has fairly reliable wifi. On my way to DC yesterday (Will Hoge was playing in Annapolis, MD), I rode the Bolt Bus down and didn't even realize I was on the bus for 4 hours. I didn't pay much attention to the road, as I was facebook and twitter stalking. It's a comfy ride and the service is pretty darn good. The people that ride Bolt are friendly people that I could have convos with or whatever; mainly they're like me, facebook/twitter stalking along w/ me on their laptops and macbooks.
Anyway, I'm heading home now on Bolt. Back to facebook/twitter stalking. I'm in Baltimore as I'm writing this.
Quick updates time!
--Won almost $200 on the Kentucky Derby!
--Happy Birthday Emma!
--Julie, here's to closure!
--And I'm still working hard and playing harder! This weekend: three nights up, three nights down. Last weekend: same deal. Karaoke included. Yes my friends, please welcome back The Fabulous Life of Riz!
Lord knows you deserve better
But she deserves no less than the best that you can offer up
You deserve better
But what becomes of you when the best has left and gone and slipped away
--"Better," Honor By August
I finally decided I needed to seek closure and move on from what I consider a really awesome relationship. She's happy where's she at right now, and I can't stay stuck at neutral. Life has to continue, one way or another. So I've decided to go back to doing what I've been doing all along, and that is to lead The Fabulous Life of Riz. There are some adjustments that I've made in terms of what I believe and how I approach things post-relationship, but most of the aspects are pretty much the same as it has been all these years. So here we go. Time to restructure my life!
I will always be about working hard and playing harder. I keep doing what do best on the job, and when the opportunities present themselves, I'll keep having as much fun as possible. I still love how I'll intend to hang out for a couple of hours and end up staying at the same place until about 4 in the morning.
As of recently, I now have two home bars. The Cubbyhole will always be my main home bar, and I will continue to go there (yes, we need to work on bringing back those Saturday Sessions again!) on a regular basis. But I figured I needed another place to hang out at that's closer to home. Saves me some cash on those cab rides and such. Plus, I've become buddies w/ one of the bartenders there and I've started getting to know a few of the regulars. So yeah, two home bars!
When it comes down to love, I'm gonna stick to what works for me: True Love Waits. The best friendships and relationships I've had were ones that just came out of nowhere. Those were the ones where fate plays a crucial role. My last relationship is a perfect example of that. Neither of us expected to be dating each other when we first met, but it clicked, and it worked (at least while it lasted). And every time I chased after someone, it never ends up the way I wanted things to end up. Mostly it'd be some hookup and that would be it. So I'm going back to my no expectations approach to love and let the chips fall where they may! And if my last relationship was any indicator of anything, it goes to show that there is definitely someone out there who will come out of the blue to steal my heart and take my breath away. And when that happens, I'll be just as happy, or even happier, than the last time.
So raise your glasses w/ me and help me toast to the comeback of The Riz Experience!
SInce going back to the single life, my psyche has ultimately changed back to what it's always been. Kicking ass, taking names, making things happen, rocking it out, working it out. That's the pure essence of The Riz Experience.
I was being way more productive at work this week. I finally figured out some issues I needed to have worked out earlier this month. I was lining trades up for execution and BAM! Done. Things needed to be processed? BAM! Done. I was shooting down things to do like a row of ducks in a pond swimming across.
I did a $2 Margarita Tuesday Session @ The Cubbyhole flying solo for the first time in however many weeks. And I partied it up and rocked it out, in pure Riz fashion! And I stirred a bit of trouble when it was time for bodyshots!
After work today, I started training up for a 3.5 miler I'm doing in June. Right now, I'm 2 minutes slower than my time last year, but if I stick to a constant training schedule, I think I can go sub-35 this year. It helps that I still think about a certain someone when I go hit the treadmill for my run.
Ok, I'll admit. She still motivates me in some way. We texted each other the last couple of days and somehow she always finds that way to make me smile and steal my heart for only a few moments. She wants me to keep that green promise bracelet for the moment. So maybe there is hope.
I was talking to my close friend Julie about all this Sunday night, and she said to look back on the relationship and find the good that came out of it, especially when it's hard for people like Julie and me to find love because we march to the beat of our own drummer. So here's the good that came out of my relationship w/ D: there actually is someone out there who loves me for me, and doesn't care about my inflated ego or my rockstar status or any of that stuff. I know that there is someone like D out there, where I don't have to pull out all the stops to have her heart. And I know that eventually I will find that one person.
Anyway, I'm glad I have many awesome friends who have helped to get me back on my feet since I fully convinced myself that I really am single again. The moment I updated my facebook status Sunday night, there were many people that left me encouraging comments and such. Some of them even commented on my Song O' The Moment - I'm Gonna Find Another You by John Mayer. So if you're reading this friends, thank you.
It was an awesome run, but it had to end. Dana and I could no longer be in a relationship. Last night, we decided we were better off as friends.
She was my everything. And she found someone she can be whole with. I remember her telling me time and again that she wishes we could have that one element that could really make us whole. But sadly, it wasn't gonna happen.
I'm gonna miss all those times where I can get lost in her arms. I'm gonna miss all the times where we can just be ourselves around each other and it was just ok. I'm gonna miss all those times where we would hold hands at a restaurant and just talk about random things. I'm gonna miss all the times where we talked about long-term plans. I'm gonna miss having my heart stolen.
But I have to move on.
The silver lining is that we're gonna remain buddies and we're gonna continue getting into our brand of trouble. Until I find someone who I can really be emotionally attached to, at least I'll still have Dana to lean on as a cherished close friend.
Thanks for making me a happy person the last 2 months. I still say you're the greatest birthday gift ever. I had no idea how much of an impact you would make in my life when I first met you. So thank you.
I sent this pic to Dana this morning, only about an hour after I woke up.
It's a new month, and somewhat of a new beginning for me. I'll explain that in a bit.
Anyway, to explain the pic above: I'm pointing at the green bracelet because that's the bracelet that Dana told me to always wear. This was when we were having breakfast food late at night at my diner on the Lower East Side. She asked me which of her bracelets I wanted to wear, and I told her to surprise me. So she gave me the one bracelet that stood out, her green rubber bracelet. She placed it around my left wrist and told me to never ever take it off.
I'll admit it, I took it off for a day and a half. And now for the explanation.
My relationship status says "It's Complicated." And it's true. Right now, I'm allowing Dana to do her thing for the moment. I didn't want her to, and I didn't think there was anything wrong w/ me or us. But I guess Dana and I need a breather and really try to slow things down. Our relationship was emotionally deep and intense that if we really left each other, it would be devastating. For a moment, I freaked out (upon returning from a DC trip) and thought Dana and I were over. So I took off the bracelet and left it at home. But after a bit of a clarification and a reassurance that there is still that strong emotional attachment that fuels our love for each other, I put the bracelet back on the next day.
I say it's somewhat of a new beginning only because I don't want to find someone else. I mean, sure, if someone comes along my way, and I start developing feelings for that person, then yeah, I can move on. But right now, I would rather wait on Dana to be with me again, with an open door and open arms. And I know when it does happen, we'll have a much more meaningful relationship. I know that I just have to be patient. (funny thing, I just told a friend of mine to be patient w/ this guy that she wants to be with.)
Oh yeah, I don't mind just going on dates at this point. At least something to pass the time. :P
In the meantime, I'm basically gonna miss spending all that quality time with Dana. I still think about that time where we were practically inseparable, and how a couple of hours can seem like an eternity. I miss holding her hand. I miss all those talks about how Dana/Riz just works. I miss the moments of intimacy that leave me on Cloud 9. ok ok, I just miss Dana and how she stole my heart and took my breath away.
Let's see...what else has been happening???
Last weekend, I spent some time in DC for the Honor By August CD Release Show. And it was probably the best HBA headlining show I've been to to date. The 3 openers were amazing (Melodime, The Ruse, The Alternate Routes). And Honor By August simply rocked it like no other. Probably their best stuff to date, and it can only get better from there. Anyway, here's some footage from that show:
And just to prove that I was in typical Concert Riz fashion, some pics, courtesy of Erin Snapp @ SnappShot Photography (see the guy in The Red Hat? that's me!).
Work has been work. It's been busy. But at least I still have a job and I'm getting paid so that I can live and do the things that I wanna do.
Well, that's it for now. I know, I have to work on getting that TRB Series completed. I'll eventually get it done.
In the last week, it seemed like everything was just about right with the world. I have an awesome girlfriend who I can chill with and be around with and fall in love with over and over again. Last Tuesday I reunited w/ Sami, someone who I haven't seen or spoken to in MONTHS, and became good friends w/ Sami's best friend Liz. Liz is awesome, and I'm glad Sami and I are talking again. And, even though this may sound a tad bit negative, I finally let go of someone who I couldn't be friends with anymore. Sure, there was drama behind it, but the deed had to be done. I couldn't waste my time and energy on this person anymore.
And even today, it seemed like everything was right. Rock and Roll Revival Rehearsal went well, the actual worship service itself went well w/ me at the helm, leading the congregation in church. But then I got questioned on some things...
In a private church meeting w/ a few individuals, I was confronted about my dual lifestyle. You know, the holy roller inside the church, the rockstar outside the church. Yep, word came up to church leadership that I haven't been so godly. And that this would be an embarrassment to everyone involved if my church leadership was affected by the way I lead my life outside of it. So, I was asked on the spot to wake up and fully recommit. I said I honestly couldn't do it at this time. They suggest I take a break and sort things out...even though I was hoping they force me to resign (that would be a much better option). Problem is, they can't afford to lose me as a member.
Anyway, I tell my mom about this. She isn't too happy, but she told me to also take a break and lay low. So...
I sent out an email to some of the church folk, telling them I was basically stepping down from my church leadership positions for personal reasons.
To be honest, I'm glad that everything is out in the open. I knew this was gonna eventually happen. Just goes to show I'm just a human being, and not some super utility guy, like I was expected to be.
